No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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