Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
God, I missed his penis.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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