a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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