Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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