you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
