hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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