I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My ass is underappreciated
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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