YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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