Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
