My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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