If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she told me i tasted like america
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
