Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
