so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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