I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
