That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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