Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
