I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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