Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
