I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
