ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
