Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
