I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
