I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
