I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
