My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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