Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
