You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That accounts for only three of the penises
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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