note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
