I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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