I cockslap morals
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
