today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
