Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
