The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
