9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
