The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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