hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
