Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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