well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
