guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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