Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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