Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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