Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
