I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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