i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
