3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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