you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
