as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
