I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
