i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
