i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
