Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He felt like a one man threesome
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
