Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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