I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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