I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
