Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
