A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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