you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
