that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
