you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
