Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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