Duck Duck Cougar?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
