I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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