Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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