Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
