Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
