you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
