At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
