4 words: hood of his car
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
