I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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