I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
