Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
