Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Vodka?
Forever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
