No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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