This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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