but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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