my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize