her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
