I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
