I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
