Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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