So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
