Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
