Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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