Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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