I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
