I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
