there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
