my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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