I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
whose parrot is this?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
