I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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