I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
