Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize