I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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