tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
two words...techno handjob
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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