we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
