My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
