Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
