It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
