why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i came on her dog
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
