I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
