I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
