So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
