ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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