he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize