Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
