Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
