at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
