i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
