I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
