just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
