My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
